My Child’s Development Is NOT Your Concern

child's development

*****UPDATE: This is a relatable post ONLY and is a collection of experiences and feelings since the birth of my children. It is not a targeted letter to any particular family members,  friends or acquaintances. The pronoun ‘you’ is merely a stylistic choice.*****

A child’s development is not open for public debate.

Want to quickly piss me off? Start questioning my child’s development. Ask me questions like, “Is so-and-so doing X yet?”. Or use phrases like “Have you seen X from (insert child’s name)?”.

News flash, my children are not required to perform for you. Nor are they animals to be trained. They don’t have to jump, sing, recite, walk on a balance beam or anything else to prove their development. They are not required to smile at strangers, allow for their hair to be touched (parent of a red-head problem!!), or do anything to make a stranger happy. So if they get upset meeting their playgym instructor for the second time and aren’t interested in interacting with her, that does not mean I haven’t been socializing my children. It means they’re three years old. If my children don’t want to smile or give you a high five as you pass by my grocery cart, it does not make them rude, or unsocial.

My child is perfectly unique and yes, quirky.

My child is under no obligation to fit into your mould of what “normal” is. In fact, I’d rather my children marched to the beat of their own drum, hell I even encourage it! I don’t care what the preschooler down the street is doing, or what so-and-so did at their age, my children are in competition with no one.

The hour or two that someone may spend with my children in a week, month or year is not representative of who they are or their behaviour. Simply because my child is quiet and shy outside of the comfort of his parents does not mean that he is lacking in language or social development. It is not a friend or family members responsibility or their business to track or monitor a child’s “perceived” development. Sorry not sorry if it hurts your ego that my children are more comfortable sharing their thoughts and words with their parents or sibling. My children do not exist to feed anyone’s ego. Because again, my three-year-olds are under no obligation to be anything other than themselves.

I don’t care if you think my children are different, I don’t care if my children ARE different. At the end of the day, it is not your concern. WE  are the parents, thankyouverymuch.

Thoughts? Share them in the comments.

Chat soon,

Shannon

3 comments

  1. While it can feel like an attack, there are some times where it is worth it to consider a comment or observation. If you hear the same thing a few times, I do think that’s a good time to consider the comments, the source of the comments, and to take a look for resources on that specific behaviour. I’m not saying that every single little comment should be nit picked apart, but we are so close to our children that we can miss important clues, just like when we monitor our own behaviour. The result may come to nothing, but I do feel that being open to feedback, while difficult, serves better than being closed and/ defensive. Sometimes people don’t know what to ask when it comes to your kids, but are trying to show interest. Sometimes they don’t consider that the two hours they view isn’t how a child will act 99% of the time. It’s all relative- but I encourage an open approach to showcasing displeasure- if not for the sake of the relationship with the person who’s commented, then for the sake of your own children who watch and learn from every interaction.

    1. Personally,I don’t feel it is ever appropriate to give feedback on someone else’s child (unless you’re their teacher and being paid to do so). I think others should trust that the parents and family doctors are doing their due diligence when it comes to their own children. But thank you for your comments and for contributing to the conversation!

      1. That is exactly why I suggested considering the source. It’s important to remember that sharing our views, opinions etc, is also how we learn.

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